Ten Crucial Insights About Forgiving

1. Forgiveness is not a one time event.

2. Forgiveness is a skill. You work at perfecting a forgiving spirit.

3. Our early efforts at forgiving are usually false starts.

4. Forgiveness has two aspects: quantitative (frequency) and qualitative (genuineness).

5. Forgiveness is an inner process; you do not have to see or talk to a person to forgive them.

6. Forgive in a step-by-step process.

7. A Forgiving Spirit comes from sincerely forgiving day after day.

8. Forgiveness is an act of self-interest.

9. Forgiveness is a bold choice for a peaceful heart.

10. The most powerful forgiving is self-forgiveness--recognizing the need to forgive yourself.

What Forgiveness Does Not Mean

• Forgiveness does not in any way justify or condone harmful actions of others.

• Forgiveness does not let the perpetrator off the hook.

• Forgiveness does not mean that you allow yourself to become a victim again.

• People often have an underlying fear that they are setting themselves up to be hurt again. They do not realize they can forgive a person and at the same time still allow the other person to complete their process of being responsible.

• Forgiving does not mean that you have to become best friends or talk to the person again. Sometimes, it is prudent to stay out of the lion’s den.

Generational Debt

Forgiveness enables you to avoid the passing on of painful, recurring self-destructive family traits. We unintentionally hand down to our children and grandchildren undesirable, thankless “heirlooms”—fear, pride, mistrust, and resentment.

Responsibility

Forgiveness means that you assume responsibility for your happiness, peace of mind, and well being. You do not have to wait for people who have harmed you to make things better – the vast majority of the time they never will. If they do approach you, it may be years after the traumatic event occurred.

You create your own healing by being accountable for where you are in your life. It does not help to buy into being a victim and blame others for your lot in life.

Five Unique Ways To Forgive Effectively

A. FORGIVE OUTLOUD--privately without anyone else in hearing distance. Listening to the sincerity of you saying out loud that you forgivesomeone, is far more effective than mumbling the words inside your mind. Saying it out loud is telling your mind and body that you are serious about resolving your feelings.

B. BE SPECIFIC--Often there is a tendency to generalize and say: “I forgive everybody who has ever hurt me.” This type of statement is far too general. It is more effective to say who it is you are forgiving and for what you are forgiving them. For example, you might say: “I forgive Tom for yelling and calling me names in front of my employer.”

C. Put forgiveness in the PRESENT TENSE— There is a tendency to say: I’ll forgive someday; I need to Forgive. . .” None of these statements constitutes sincere forgiveness because you are putting off the time when you are actually letting go of the painful feelings.

D. When offended, FORGIVE QUICKLY and OFTEN—within minutes of the act.

E. Spend considerably more time RELEASING the PAST NEGATIVE FEELINGS that you buried long ago but are still unresolved. Heal the numerous emotional wounds of the past through the on-going process of forgiving others and then by forgiving yourself.

Ten Benefits of Forgiving

1. Forgiveness allows you to remove unwanted weeds from your garden of success.

2. Forgiveness is a powerful healer; emotionally, physically & spiritually.

3. Forgiveness is restorative.

4. Forgiveness produces paradigm-shifts—a new way of seeing things.

5. Forgiveness enables you to reclaim your personal power.

6. A forgiving spirit allows you to see the Big Picture because the process wipes away the cobwebs of misconceptions and faulty thinking.

7. Forgiving is a great cleanser.

8. Forgiving is a poultice to emotional wounds that fester the heart.

9. A forgiving spirit enables you to come from a softer place and to be grateful.

10. Forgiveness works. It produces miracles!

To schedule a lecture or seminar about the unique process of releasing and letting go through forgiveness or to schedule an appointment—including TelephoneConsultations, call THE FORSTON INSTITUTE at (888) 900-4506.