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  man is sure he will “score” high with a woman when he does something big for her, like buying her diamond earrings or taking her on an exotic vacation. He assumes he will “score” less when he does something small, such as noticing her new hairstyle, giving her a greeting card, helping with her chair or giving a hug. Based on this kind of score keeping, he believes he will receive the most favorable response by focusing his time, energy and attention into something large for her. This formula, however, does not work well because men and women keep score differently.

When a woman tallies the score, according to Dr. John Gray’s best selling book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, no matter how big or small a gift of love is, it scores one point! Each favor or gift has equal value to her. Its size or value does not matter – it gets one point. A man, however, thinks he will score one point for one small favor and thirty points for an expensive gift. Because most men do not understand that women keep score differently, they naturally focus their energies into one or two big efforts. In other words, to a woman, a single rose may well receive as many points as taking her out to dinner. Without understanding this basic difference in scoring-keeping, men and women are continually frustrated and disappointed in their relationships.

Building a Gratifying Relationship with A Woman

• Do Small Things -- that you would not ordinarily do to show her that you love her.
• Find HerFirst – As soon as you get home, find her and give her a loving hug.
• Listen -- When she pulls away, go after her. Listen to her without interrupting or making suggestions.
• Compliment – Women feel better when they are sincerely and regularly complimented.
• Communicate – Talk with her in a mutually respectful tone of voice.
• Telephone Her -- When you are away, telephone just to let her know that you are thinking of her.
• Look At Her -- Practice looking at her when you talk to her.
• Meet Her Love Needs -- Her primary love needs include understanding, caring, respect, devotion, validation and reassurance.

Building a Fantastic, Lasting Relationship with A Man

• Thank Him Often -- acknowledge and appreciate him frequently for everything he does for you.
• Acknowledge His Listening -- Appreciating his listening will encourage him to do it again.
• Let Him Go -- When he retreats into himself or goes into his cave (his private place such as the garage or his home office).
• Welcome Him Back -- When he comes back from his cave, do not punish or reject him.
• Let Him Off The Hook -- When he makes a big mistake, do not punish him. You really score big with him when you act as if you did not notice his mistake.
• Give Him What He Needs -- trust, acceptance, appreciation, and encouragement.

Resentment Flu or Penalty Points occur when women and men do not show the above types of kindness to each other. The relationship usually deteriorates resulting in increased anger and regret. The above positive attitudes and behaviors are just a few of the important ways that help couples create effective communication, understanding, trust, love, gratitude and forgiveness. Similar actions are effective with teenage boys and their mothers.

Dr. John Gray has personally trained and certified Dr. Forston as a facilitator. Dr. Forston and his wife, Anne, were also on John Gray’s staff for his Personal Growth Seminars. For professional insight into Gray’s techniques for relationships call Dr. Robert Forston at (888) 900-4506. For 100 Ways for A Man To Score Points with A Woman, email Forston.CTR@verizon.net.